Relationships: Does Meeting The Family Even Mean Anything Anymore?Monday, June 20, 2011
Meeting family (or close friends) was never a big deal to me. If it happened it did, if not, oh well. I also have a lot of guy friends who are jerks and strategically bring the multitudes of women they are "dating" around their friends and choice family members as part of some weird mind game. Long story short, meeting a guy's family doesn't mean much anymore. With the summer months here, don't get too excited when the summer boo invites you to summer family barbecues or to outings with close friends because in the 21st century guys have added "friends and family" to the weaponry to get girls hooked early on.
"But I Met His MOTHER!!" Really? That's cute. So did the other girl last week that he's seeing. In fact, two weeks ago Keisha was was invited to family game night and met mom, dad, and the sibs! All jokes aside, we're not back in the 1950s when meeting the folks was the most serious act a guy could do to show his commitment. Our parents understand that the dating game has changed and with people moving out of their parent's house at much older ages, it's inevitable that the 'rents are bound to meet a few interests in the running every now and then that may or may not be anything serious.
If He Didn't Make A Big Deal Out Of It, It Isn't A Big Deal - I knew the first time I met Mike's grandmother that it wasn't anything serious. Honestly, it was the shortest introduction ever and then Mike ran off and left me awkwardly alone with her for some time. The next time I met her, months after we had decided to take things serious, it was a totally different story. Feel things out the first time you meet someone's family and just be yourself around them. Don't try to buy your way into the family by being over-the-top friendly. I will say, however, that a family that starts treating you like family after awhile is a very GOOD sign but take this with a grain of salt as well. Even if the mom dukes thinks you're the best things since the invention of the Internet, it doesn't mean anything if you're guy isn't on the bandwagon as well.
It's About Quantity Over Quality - This will probably be the only time this rule applies. What I mean is that as a relationship starts to get more serious, you start meeting more family members and are invited around much more frequently. Meeting your guy's mom or other "most important relative" early on doesn't mean much if you only came by once or twice. What matters is if your guy tries to bring you around enough to form relationships with them.
When Two Families Collide - Okay so you meeting the family may not matter much but when your family starts meeting his family on purpose...EPIC! Granted, this usually happens around the time, if not after a proposal is made but if it happens before there really should be no doubt on whether or not your guy is trying to take things serious.
So does meeting the family matter much anymore for you? What's your policy on either meeting the parents or introducing your SO to your own? Guys, do you disagree and believe that a woman meeting your family is still a big deal? Ladies, have you ever gotten the sense that you were only one of many women a parent may have met recently? Share your stories, as always, in the comments.
About Carla Clunis
You can find more of Carla's musings on love and relationships at www.theheartmalfunctions.com where she blogs about the ups and downs of dating and relating.
------ By: Carla Clunis